I Have Been Thinking
by Liquidize
Summary: Ray, I have been thinking lately.. Ray understands the meaning of that a lot better now. [OneShot][Yaoi][TalaRay]


Just a short Oneshot I wrote to clear my head a bit.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intention to entertain.

**Enjoy! **

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Ray couldn't understand what was wrong. For a few weeks now Tala had seemed so uninterested in him. Uninterested in everything actually and Ray didn't know why, couldn't understand why. The only person Tala seemed interested in was Bryan, the one whom he shared an apartment with at the moment and the only thing he seemed interested in doing was training. Ray knew something was wrong, that was rather obvious after all. But he didn't know what though and as long Tala didn't speak about it he couldn't do very much, especially since he didn't talk much at all these days. Not with Ray or anyone else except for Bryan and sometimes Kai.

Ray worried all the time that maybe it was something he did or said. Maybe the red-head had grown tired of him by now. Maybe he has fallen in love with someone else. All these thoughts along with his worry about his redhead's health weren't good for the poor neko-jin. Many would most certainly say he was only over dramatic. But when you love someone you care for that person very much. You worry about his or hers health. If the person eats enough, sleeps enough. If the person is depressed you wonder if that's why he or she acts the way he or she does and if the person is depressed then you wonder why and you wonder if the person is going to hurt him - or herself. There are a lot of things that you can worry about after all with your loved ones.

It had been like this for a few weeks now, since he went home again after spending two weeks with the three Russians in Russia. After that he started to act distant towards him. He was always busy or tired and going to bed or something else whenever they talked and they always talked for about 10-15 minutes each day. If he was lucky he could get to talk to him 30 minutes sometimes, but it was like talking to a stranger. They talked so little these days that he didn't know what to talk to him about anymore. Everything felt forced from Tala's side when they talked those few minutes each day.

Ray didn't know what to do anymore. He had tried almost everything but no matter what he did, nothing ever changed. He couldn't get him to talk or open up or act like everything was fine instead of giving him a reason to worry and saying that Ray is over dramatic all the time. Or at least tell him that he is a tad bit depressed at the moment and not very talkative right now and that it has nothing to do with Ray. It would be a lot easier to accept that instead of going around now not knowing anything at all, walking around everyday in a dark empty space with all these questions no one but Tala himself could answer and right now that was the last thing he was doing.

This whole thing kept going for a few weeks. Some days he talked a bit more and some days he said nothing at all. Ray never saw a pattern in all this. He just guessed that Tala probably felt a bit better on those lucky days when he actually talked.

Then one day they got in to a minor argument, Tala probably had a bad day and said some nasty stuff which made Ray hurt and made him snap back. After that Ray stopped hoping but an hour or so later, Tala sent Ray an e-mail were he apologised for his behaviour, said that he really missed him and stuff like that and that he wanted to solve this on his own though, not putting his problems on someone else's shoulders and that he hoped that his behaviour hadn't made him go to someone else, even if he would understand why if that was the case. After that e-mail, Ray started hoping again, but nothing changed after that anyway.

Then one day, a week or so later after he got the e-mail, the three Russians were going to Japan for a one-week-visit. Ray offered himself to meet them at the airport so that he got the chance to see them all again. The only answer he got from Tala was "do as you wish", nothing more or nothing less.

When he spend that evening with Tala and the day after everything seemed fine again. He probably just played like everything was fine since he seemed happy. But he was at least the old Tala that Ray fell in love with and that made Ray happy for the moment but he should have known that it wouldn't last for long. Murphy is a sick bastard after all.

After he went home that Saturday afternoon he didn't hear a single word from Tala. He talked with him for a few moments a few days but that was when Ray contacted Tala, not the other way around and he always seemed distant and uninterested again, like he didn't care at all.

Then, on the day the three Russians had planned on going home again, he said the now most hated sentence in Ray's eyes.

"Ray, I have been thinking lately…"

"I don't like how that sounds," Ray said unsure.

"Me neither," came the sad reply.

"Then what is it?" Ray asked slowly, dreading the answer.

"I don't think I can handle a relationship at the moment…" He said the thing Ray feared he would say and his whole world came crashing down on him.

"Is it something I did?" Ray asked, fighting back the tears, the hurt and the anger building inside him at the moment.

"No, no, of course not, Ray."

"Then why this sudden change?"

"Just a feeling… There is so much happening in my life at the moment. My life takes a new turn all the time. My head is filled with thoughts. I just want hide until I feel better again. But I hope we can stay friends and then maybe we will see in the future what happens." He simply said, breaking Ray even more.

"Yeah," was Ray's only answer to that… He couldn't find the words he wanted to say. Everything he wanted to say would probably be seen as a pathetic attempt to get Tala back. Ray thought sadly _'How is it that when HE has a lot to think about and so on, he can't handle a relationship and gives up but I had to handle it, no one asked me if I could handle it or if I wanted to give up because a few things made my life hard at the moment. He isn't the only one depressed after all. But he IS the one giving up on us.'_

"Have your feelings for me changed?" Ray asked quietly. Dread filling his stomach even more.

"I can't answer that truthfully right now." He said. Ray doesn't know what's worst. Him saying: "yes they have" or: "I can't answer that". He said only a week earlier: "I love you". He should still know whether he still does or not.

And just like that, Ray's life got ruined again. Every single word Tala had said was empty words with no meaning at all. Ray can't sleep at all and he is never hungry any more. Thoughts are hunting his head all the time. He was an empty, lifeless shell. All his friends were worried about him and he just didn't care anymore.


End file.
